Dr Who Rants: Into (the) Dalek

HELLO INTERNEST

I am moved once again to rant about the BBC 1 Stephen Moffat Variety Hour*

(*Trademark Me)

TODAY'S EPISODE: INTO DARKNESS

SORRY

INTO DALEK.

To be fair,

And, unlike similarly insidey episode 'Journey to the centre of the tardis'.

And despite the name.

I did not guess/get spoiled the basic plot points of this episode.

WHICH WAS VERY GOOD BECAUSE.

It meant that the groovy/exciting pre-credits moment when Capalditor first faces a dalek

A key moment in any doctor's development

(ref)

(11 also did a good one but I couldn't find)

And the moment when the potentially-awesome-although-I'm-not-completely-sure-they-did-the-concept-justice plotline for this episode became clear

WERE THE SAME MOMENT.

SO WELL DONE THE DR WHO MARKETING TEAM THERE.

SLASH WELL DONE ME FOR AVOIDING SPOLIERS.

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT

BEFORE ALL THAT CAN HAPPEN.

ZAWE ASHTON

WHO I SHALL HENCEFORTH REFER TO AS 'VOD'

HAS TO ESCAPE SOME DALEKY LASERS

Pause to consider how rubbish the dalek lasers must be

If she can have been hit and still be flying and her brother potentially nondead.

Although SPOILERS that situation is not going to last long.

So Vod explodes and dies.

BUT THEN NOT in what appears to be becoming a recurring theme of the series

#SPOLIERS

Capalditor looks at her with a face like oh my god I can't even that face SURELY a highlight of 9 years of revival who.

Vod is a bit angry, probably understandable in the circumstances, but don't worry, because we'll RETURN TO THAT LATER.

Dialouge, things happen, and we're back to where you started.

The new titles, which I forgot to mention last week,

Are ok, but personally, I don't see why they have to keep changing them.

Like, I don't see any sort of general improvement since the series 1 ones.

There's then an extended sequence in the life of Clara.

THIS SEQUENCE REALLY ANNOYED ME FOR SOME REASONS.

FIRST.

I HAVE SEEN 'EDUCATING ESSEX'  AND ALL THE SEQUELS.

SO I KNOW WHAT A SCHOOL IS LIKE.

(also I went to a school)

(that is a thing I did in my life)

YES.

SCHOOLS ARE NOT LIKE THAT.

TEACHERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SPONTANEOUSLY CRY WHEN ASKED ABOUT THEIR DIFFICULT PAST

THIS IS LAZY, LAZY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, MOFFAT.

FIRST AND A HALF-LY

'PINK' IS A REDICULOS SURNAME.

THAT WOULD BE WHAT THE KIDS WOULD TEASE HIM FOR

SECONDLY, THE THING WHERE HE TALKS TO HIMSELF AND CLARA NOTICES.

*THIS*

*NEVER*

*HAPPENS*

*IN REAL LIFE*

DOCTOR WHO IS ALLOWED TO BREAK THE RULES OF 'REAL LIFE' BUT NOT IN THE SCENES WHICH ARE DOCTOR-FREE BACKGROUND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

FOR A GUIDE ON HOW TO DO THIS WELL, SEE

*EVERY*

*FUCKING*

*SEREIS*

*RTD WROTE*

LIKE, COULD YOU IMAGINE A SEQUENCE LIKE THAT HAPPENING WITH ROSE OR MARTHA?

COULD YOU HELL.

LAZY, LAZY, LAZY WAYS TO GET US EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED,

VIA CHEAP, LARGER-THAN-LIFE PLOT OCCURUNCES.

ARE ALLOWED WHEN THE DOCTOR IS PRESENT (eg, the beginning of series 5)

BUT *HORRENDOUS* WHEN IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 'REAL LIFE'.

Similarly, the following 'am I a good man?' thing

Felt a *little* insincere,

like they had just written it in to go in the adverts,

but I think only because it was in all the adverts.

So what can you do?

We progress then, to the episode proper,

which I would like to credit for exploring the issue of Dalek morality,

albeit in Moffat style

ie: 'with no subtlety'

many of the scenes in this episode reminded me of scenes from the series 1 episode 'Dalek'.

'Dalek' was an outstanding epsiode, and there are a number of comparisons to make.

The first, is that in 'Dalek', the episode was mostly just the Dalek marauding its way through hordes of quite tough looking guards.

THIS SEEMS SHALLOW but

it served a very important purpose of *establishing that daleks are fucking scary*

and that's important to note, because we, the dr who audience are very forgetful,

so we need plenty of carnage when daleks arrive, to remind us they are bloody dangerous things,

And, to be fair, not quite as much as in 'Dalek', but 'Into Dalek' saw a reasonable share of carnage.

OK

WELL DONE

GOOD.

Now, the endless banging on about whether you can have a 'good Dalek'

Got a bit samey, and were very Moffatish, and allowed once again for this to happen

BUT it was a dalek episode in which Daleks were the enemys

and Daleks were scary

and they were scary because, they're,

you know

horrendous murder machines

so, actually

SOME CREDIT THERE

But I think we should pause here, because there's one other bit of deja-dr-who-vu,

in the whole, go-off-on-adventure-inside-thing-after-being-minaturised category,

I am of course refering to the episode inside the tessalector

Which existed mainly to help in answering the tricky existential conundrum

'If an archeologist is originally a dick but comes around, so is then forced to be a dick by a robot suit that looks like a spacesuit hidden in a lake in the sixties, how do you stop a timelord regenerating but not actually kill him?'

So D- to Moffat for originality there,

But also

pretty much the only good thing about that episode

were the smarmy death robots who lived in that 'regular sized but with tiny people inside' adventure environment

who coined the magnificent phrase

'you will experience a tingling sensation and then death'

so,

although I do concede that

if they had reused them it would have made

LESS SENSE THAN ALL OF SEREIES 6

we did have BASICALLY THE SAME MONSTER flying around in today's episode.

It would have been awesome

Now, before continuing, we will introduce a new feature in this rant,

called:

12th Doctor: bit of a dick?

HERE'S TODAY'S MOMENT:

AND IT'S NOT EVEN WHEN HE KILLS THAT GUY BY GETTING HIM TO EAT A BIT OF DALEK IN FRONT OF THE ANTIBODIES

#HILARIOUS

When the doctor is in the Dalek,

and he stubbles across the radiation in the room that looks for all the world like a giant battery pack

AND WITHOUT PAUSING TO THINK,

BUT FUTHER

(as it later turns out)

WITH A CONSIDERABLE HUNCH AS TO WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN

Proceeds to fix the (ahem)

CRACK THAT DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING, *ANYTHING* LIKE THE CRACK FROM SERIES 5 BECAUSE IT'S VERTICAL NOT HORIZONTAL

BOOM STORYTELLING

but anyway

WITHOUT PAUSING TO CONSIDER WHETHER HIS ACTIONS WILL TURN THE DALEK EVIL AND SHOOTY

WHETHER THERE COULD BE A BETTER ORDER IN WHICH TO DO THINGS

EG: FIX THE MEMORY ROOM PLACE THEY LATER RETURN TO

FACE THE DALEK HEAD-ON

BEFORE TURNING ON IT'S MAIN WEAPON

WITHOUT PAUSING TO CONSIDER THAT

SLASH POSSIBLY (DEFINETLY) WITH PAUSING TO CONSIDER THAT

DECIDING AGAINST IT BECAUSE IT WOULD BE TOO EASY/

#YOLO/

#YOL12+TIMES

The doctor fixes the crack and the dalek goes shootyvile.

#TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING

#YES I KNOW HASHTAGS DON'T HAVE SPACES

This results in the deaths of countless random rebel security members.

And generally is seen as a bad outcome.

So, in conclusion:

12th Doctor: Bit of a dick?

Now, finally, I will consider

THE EMOTIONAL CLIMAXE OF THE EPISODE

A moment that has moved me more than anything in DW for quite some time

And which moved me to rant today.

We will consider

THE REJECTION OF ZAWE ASHTON.

So you are aware of the build-up to this.

First, Zawe Ashton is not cast as the 12th doctor,

In a move, already described at the time

by me, as

'shockingly bad'

BUT THEN,

Good news, she appears in this episode

In a character I'm going to describe as 'pretty fucking badass'

Like, let's summarise her key achievements:

-Has brother blown up. Gets over it.

-Threatens the doctor, just sort-of because.

-Makes sarcastic comment about death of brother, because badass

-Despite everything, IMMEDIATELY joins in on this COMPLETELY RANDOM mission into the dalek,

presumably because she just feels like it

-She then proceeds to,

and I'd like to point this out because

IT WILL TURN OUT TO BE IMPORTANT

CARE, ABOUT 70 SQUILLION PERCENT MORE

THAN THE DOCTOR,

FOR THE WELLBEING OF ROSS

WHEN THE DOCTOR KILLS ROSS

AND THEN THREATEN THE DOCTOR AGAIN,

FOR THE OFFENCE OF...

BEING TOO BLOODY CAVALIER ABOUT ROSS'S DEATH.

-Be the only one to offer a workable solution when the dalek goes all evil.

and then

(because this is also fucking important)

HAVE THE HUMILITY/LEVEL-HEADDEDNESS NOT TO USE IT, WHEN THE DOCTOR SAYS HE CAN DO BETTER.

Seriously in this one episode Vod has already arguably eclipsed a season of Clara in terms of usefulness.

Also:

-Holds off the antibodies while clara presses some buttons.

So then.

The scene is set.

The episode is complete.

The daleks are kept at bay.

And in Moffat-era DW, that's enough for the episode to be over.

BUT WHAT'S THIS?

VOD IS KISSING HER UNCLE GOODBYE?

(Funfact: Vod's uncle played by Ian from bakeoff)

PAUSE FOR MOMENT OF REALISATION...

WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

YES!

INCREDIBLE REBEL ALLIANCE BADASS NINJA WOMAN ZAWE ASHTON IS GOING TO BE IN MORE EPISODES!

*THE TUMBLER MELTSDOWN*

*THIS REVIEWER TEARS UP*

COULD IT BE?

COULD IT BE?

AND YES, SURE ENOUGH,

THERE SHE IS, OUTSIDE THE TARDIS

HOW EXCITING IS THE REST OF SERIES 8 LOOKING,

WITH ZANE-LOWE AS THE NEW,

NO-NONSCENSE,

GENERALLY KICKASS,

PROVIDING A MORAL YIN TO THE DOCTOR'S YANG

SECOND COMPANION.

IT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

NO.

IT IS, LITERALLY TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

LITERALLY.

SORRY FOLKS.

BUT THE DOCTOR HAS MORAL RESERVATIONS.

THIS DOCTOR, THE SAME ONE WHO BROUGHT ALONG JACK SPARROW

HARKNESS

NO ZAWE ASHTON.

THE TUMBLER REMELTDOWNS

THIS REVIEWER LITERALLY WAILS

EVERYONE FEELS VERY SAD

EXCEPT ZAWE WHO JUST STANDS THERE AND TAKES IT

LIKE A FUCKING BADASS.

*sigh*

We will now consider, and,

by consider, I obviously mean dispute

this particular choice of CapaldiDoctor.

But, first, let me assert my impartiality.

BECAUSE I WISH TO MAKE CLEAR,

I AM NOT DISPUTING THIS DESCISION BECAUSE IT UPSET ME.

DR WHO IS ALLOWED TO BE UPSETTING,

and, actually, i think reducing the amount of

'feelgood'

could be an interesting direction that moffat & co. may explore

if they're serious about making dw 'darker again'

No,

I AM REFUTING THIS DESCISION, BECAUSE I THINK IT IS REDICULOS,

NASTY,

UNCHARACTERISTIC,

AND BASED ON POOR EVIDENCE + HYPOCRACY.

MY PERSONAL FEELING TOWARD THE DESCISION,

WILL NOT INFLUENCE MY JUDGEMENT,

ALTHOUGH

IT MAY INFLUENCE MY TONE.

*WE BEGIN:*

Vod's first action aboard the tardis is to threaten capaldidoctor with a pistol

Ok, this could be viewed as a bad start, but

Let's consider the mitigating circumstances:

Vod was recently attacked by Daleks

Vod was recently exploded by Daleks

Vod's brother was recently exploded by Daleks

Daleks can assimilate people now, because insert reasons.

Vod was last seen being exploded near Dalek ship

So it is not unreasonable for Vod to

A- be suprised at not being dead

B-be suspicious that she might be inside a dalek ship

C-be suspicious that the doctor,

A WEIRD GUY THAT SHE'S NEVER SEEN BEFORE

might be a humo-dalek-thing.

Also, Vod backs down after a particularly unnessescary 'lightswitch' line

Proving that she has both

RESPECT FOR DOCTOR

and

COMMON SENCE

and

NOT JUST A MINDLESS GUNWEILDER

This point is reproven in the very excellent scene which I mentioned already

in which the doctor's responce to Dalek attack! is

'oh no'

and look a bit mopey and grumble about daleks

and clara's responce to Dalek attack! is

*slap doctor*

and zawe's responce to Dalek attack! is

1 - radio to establish situation

2 - shout at the doctor

3 - offer to blow up dalek

PRODUCTIVITY: 8/10

PRAGMATISM 10/10

There is also the point at which

(checks name)

Gretchen sacrifices herself

and Vod is at least 400% more upset than either capalditor

or claralara

demonstrating COMPASSION

there then follows the scene where she shoots a lot of the dalek antibodies

demonstrating

uhm

GUN SKILLS

OK

WE THEN REACH THE POINT OF REJECTION

ALLOW ME TO RECAP THE REASON GIVEN

FOR ANY OF THE READERS WHO ARE PREDISPOSED

TO NOT REMEMBERING BULLSHIT

WAS "YOU'RE NICE AND ALL"

"JUST A BIT TOO SHOOTY SHOOTY KILLY FOR MY LIKING"

THIS

*THIS*

FROM THE MAN WHO BROUGHT ALONG RIVER SONG

FROM THE MAN WHO BROUGHT ALONG JACK SPARROW

(harkness)

TO THE WOMAN WHO

*THROUGHOUT* THIS EPISODE

HAS BEEN CONISTENTLY MORE COMPASSIONATE

THAN CAPALDITOR

HAS BEEN ARGUABLY LESS OR EQUALLY VIOLENT AND DESTRUCTIVE

AND CRUCIALLY

HAS APPLIED HER SHOOTY SHOOTY KILLY-NESS

WITH APPROPRIATE DISGRESSION

AND IN A *FRANKLY* MORE USEFUL MANNER

THAN A CERTAIN TIMELORD HAS BEEN

IN SOME SITUATIONS.

So, we know this is ridiculous

now that we know it is ridiculous,

let us ask why?

Why, Moffat?

Why did you torment us like this?

If we are not going to add an extra companion for the rest of the series

Which I can appreciate

Is something that will need to be planned ahead for

Why did we even bother having this scene?

Why torment us, moffatt?

Well, once again.

The answer lies in that mysterious thing

The physcology of steven moffat

My theory for today:

Moffatt, as a writer who

probably doesn't get enough vitamin D

has no understanding of real audience emotion

except for the fanboys and fangirls

here on the internets

who 'squee'

and use words like 'feels'

whenever the show has a Big  Emotional  Moment

(ok SIGNIFICANT pot kettle situation here)

(but let's persevere)

and so to make dw good

tries to load it up with maximum number of said

Big     Emotional     Moments

hence we have this

NONSCENSICAL MOMENT

of extreme emotion

And,

to be fair

it works.

Right in the feels.

So, until next time.

Fuck you, Moffatt,

That is all.

Doctor Who Rants: Deep Breath

This is my rant for Deep breath

So, we (ie: I) have just witnessed the first episode of Capaldian era of Doctor Who.

Pause for a moment here.

Some reflection.

(breathe)

(ahhhhh)

(see what I did there?)

(Hint: 'deep breath')

(It was unintentional.)

OK

OKEY DOKEY

DOWN TO THE BUSINESS

Let's do the important bit first.

Capaldi

Cappers

The big C.

A.

Paldi.

Etc.

How is he?

Well,

he's exactly like you thought he was going to be but were too afraid to build up your hopes for in case he wasn't any good.

He's very Capaldi.

I guess what I'm trying to say is

Yes

He is a bit like malcom tucker.

But actually it works

A BIT BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.

And he's a top actor.

He's doing it quite old-school.

Heck, he is quite old-school.

And that's actually pretty excellent.

MOVING ON

...

ALTHOUGH

WE MAY AT A LATER POINT MOVE BACK

ANYWAY Here is my episode summary:

DINOSAUR!

BIG DINOSAUR!

(are dinosaurs really that big?)

(I thought they generally weren't.)

(hmm)

Oh look its Vastra.

TARDIS!

DOCTOR!

AHH, THIS IS QUITE FUNNY DIALOUGE.

SKIP AHEAD

BLA BLA STUFF

Actually.

Hold it there.

Because here actually is my main complaint.

There have been times, many times,

since Moffat has taken over

where I thought: 'ooooh'

'that was an interesting story'

'shame they only had 45 minutes to get through it'

'felt a bit rushed'

'felt a bit like'

'if only they had longer they could have done a better job here'

(Examples:)

(s5e2, s5e8, s6e2, s6e10, s7e2, s7e9)

But this epsiode.

This, 80 minute episode.

(That's a long time folks.)

Felt slow and drawn-out and listless.

This is really not a complaint I have had

of Doctor Who

for a very long time.

NOT ENOUGH HAPPENED.

EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD A DINOSAUR.

WHICH WAS INTERESTING.

AND THERE WERE A LOT OF WAYS YOU COULD HAVE GONE THERE.

MOFFAT.

YOU REVERTED TO MOFFAT 101.

OH, LET'S HAVE SOME ALIENS HIDING IN A PLACE, AND KILLING PEOPLE TO PROGRESS THEIR EVIL AGENDA

HOW ORIGINAL

BRAVO

#SOEPIC

#SHOULD BE A DOCTOR WHO STORYLINE

#I KNOW HASHTAGS SHOULDN'T HAVE SPACES

But anyway.

I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Because we were meant to be running through this episode.

So, up next.

Clara makes one little comment about 'how do we change him back?'

I think: not super unreasonable, she has not had regeneration explained to her.

She doesn't watch the show,

she wouldn't have been aware Capaldi was taking over.

Moffat says:

WRONG

CHARACTER-DEFINING MOMENT

LET'S PUNISH HER, AND by extension, YOU

THE AUDIENCE

By subjecting you/her

To *THE*

*MOST*

CONFUSING SCENE IN THE WHOLE OF DOCTOR WHO SINCE THE REVIVAL

INVOLVING vastra

clara

A overly drawn-out veil metaphor

Something about judging people from appearances

Something about boyfriends

And then Clara has a little shout

Vastra's assistant/wife

(NO-ONE EVER SAYS HER NAME)

(I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT WOMAN'S NAME IS)

Does a that spontaneous applause and then awkwardly stop

THAT ONLY EVER HAPPENS IN CHEAP ROM-COMS

NEVER IN REAL LIFE

EVER.

EVER.

AT ALL.

Then Clara says 'when did you take of your veil'

Which may possibly serve as proof that clara has not understood the veil metaphor properly

Rendering the whole scene pointless

But I digress

Vastra answers 'perhaps it was when you stopped noticing it'

Which is a stupid answer

The correct answer was

'when I took it off just now'

But that's not good enough for Vastra

Vastra is just being a bit dickish

Vastra: Based on Moffat?

BUT MEANWHILE

(because if there's one thing this episode really emphasises)

(it's that if you cut between two not-quite-interesting enough things)

(frequently and annoyingly)

(you will not convince the audience)

(that they are having an exciting time)

SO MEANWHILE

the doctor is doctoring about

in a manner

which is NOT SUPRISING AT ALL

and to be fair, in a few minutes when he turns up by the flaming dinosaur

no one is surprised.

Then there is a scene in which the plot develops

And there is some more quite good dialouge

Then the doctor jumps into the river

NO REASON GIVEN AT THE TIME OR AFTERWARDS.

There is a scene with the sontaran chap and clara.

That, whilst not a bad scene

IS SO, SO, SO SUPERFLUOS

THAT IT CAN ONLY BE HERE TO FILL TIME.

LITERALLY, THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS SCENE.

DID THEY KNOW THEY WERE MAKING AN 80 MINUTE EPISODE  WHEN THEY WROTE THE PLOT TO THIS EP?

MY SUSPICION: NO.

There is then another scene in which nothing happens.

with the doctor and a tramp

but this one IS IMPORTANT

THIS IS A CAPALDIDOCTOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SCENE.

And is probably the highlight of the episode.

It was very good.

I felt reassured that Capaldidoctor has fun times in store for us.

THEN WE'RE OFF TO THE RESTARANT.

There is a 'thing' made of the advert

And, to be fair, this is good.

Moffat, master of the 'sudden reveal of a thing made of a thing you didn't think was going to be a thing thing but thought was just a basic, level-one, thing'

does quite well here.

But then from this penny-drop moment.

There is an AGONISINGLY LONG TIME.

During which Clara fails to notice the restaurant is full of andriods.

NOT HARD TO NOTICE.

IF YOU DIDN'T NOTICE IT DURING THE ESTABLISHING SHOT AT THE TOP OF THE SCENE.

THE MOMENT WHEN THE ADVERT 'THING' DROPS AND SUDDENLY

SHIT'S GOING DOWN

THAT WOULD BE THE POINT TO NOTICE IT, THEN THEN.

IT IS NOT SUBTLE, THIS ONE.

IT IS NOT HARD TO NOTICE THE FACT THAT THE OTHER DINERS ARE DROIDS

THEY ARE NOT HIGH-QUALITY DROIDS

WE DO NOT NEED 2 WHOLE MINUTES, INCLUDING HAIR SHENNANIGANS

OF THAT POINT

WE ARE THE AUDIENCE,

ONCE, WE THE AUDIENCE, HAVE FIGURED SOMETHING OUT,

WE EXPECT THE DOCTORCLARA TO ALSO HAVE IT SUSSED.

There then follow MORE minutes of weirdness

including a creepy waiter encounter

where the doctorclara are inexplicably-

INEXPLICABLY

Not freaking the fuck out

but instead just sitting there like their boy/girlfriend's parents are watching

amicably waiting for the sofavator

(sofavator name copyright me)

to activate and transport them to the headquaters of the not-the-ss-madame-du-pompador

BECAUSE THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS!

NOT ONLY ARE WE RECYLING THE SUPPORTING CHARACTERS IN THIS EPISODE

NOT ONLY ARE WE RECYLING THE DOCTOR FROM WHEN HE WAS CAECILLIUS

(although side-note on that point:)

(there was some suggestion in the sidestreet scene)

(that we were going to get an in-cannon explanation to why Cacillius is Doctor 12)

(if that is indeed planned)

(kudos, stephen moffat, kudos.)

(AHEM)

NOT ONLY ARE WE RECYLING DINOSAURS FROM 'DINOSAURS ON A SPACESHIP'

NOT ONLY ARE WE RECYLING CLARA, THE-ASSISTANT-WHO-DOESN'T-REALLY-DO-MUCH

(copyright me)

BUT WE ARE ALSO RECYLING THE DROIDS FROM THAT EPISODE WITH THE WOMAN WHO WAS LADY PENELOPE IN THE THUNDERBIRDS MOVIE.

(that reference probably really dated me.)

AND THIER SHIP

EXCEPT IN A CUNNING TWIST

THIS LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THEIR SHIP

THEY LOOK NOTHING LIKE THEIR COUNTERPARTS

THEY AREN'T IN THE FUTURE, THEY'RE FROM THE FUTURE

AND THEY HAVE A SINLGLE LEADER

AND THERE IS NO FIREPLACE.

But look!

Apart from that, it's completely the same bad guy!

And the fandom are all like:

'Ok'

'If you want to moffat'

(awkward thumbs up)

Anyway.

Now that we have complicity sat on the sofavator and been taken to their base

TIME TO ESCAPE, BITCHES.

So they do some GCSE-level escaping.

Except they also fail at that.

leading to my favourite single line of the episode

"there's no point them catching both of us"

uttered by the doctor as his excuse for leaving clara in mortal peril.

when, by all reasonable judgement, he could probably have got her out if he had really tried.

Doctor12: bit of a dick?

Metaphor for Moffat etc.

ANYHOW

As punishment for being captured the audienceclara are subjected to a scene in which she is nearly interrogated

but manages to confuse the audience and everyone into forgetting that she's being interrogated

proving, the droids are still, as David TenDoctor put it

"mr thickety thick thickton from thicksville, thickanaia"

and so are their dads.

BUT NOT UNTIL SHE HAS TRIED TO ESCAPE ONCE,

BUT FAILED BY MEANS OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HOLD HER BREATH FOREVER.

And, we, the audience, go,

ahhhhhhh

that's why it was called 'deep breath'.

And suspect moffat is shamlessly trying to recreate the 'blink' moment from 'blink'

Again.

(Also.)

(The problem I had with that scene.)

(Is I suspect no matter how long she had held her breath for.)

(That sequence of identical smoky corridors would have gone on for longer.)

(Even if it were, like, hours/miles.)

Anyway, after all this, Doctortwelve bursts in.

Literally right on cue.

Annoying because it means I have less of a joke to make about it being right on cue.

Then he establishes a means to blow up the alien's power source.

Which he then goes on to totally forget about for the rest of the episode.

Plot amnesia: side-effect of the regeneration?

The a-team arrive.

There is a finale sequence.

With the a-team fighting and then holding their breath.

While the doctor does a reverse-Samaritan on the droid boss in the flying restaurant.

This sequence serves to demonstrate the earlier-mentioned principle about cutting between 2 places to make things seem more exciting not being a good way to make things seem more exiting if the things aren't exciting enough to start with.

That all happens.

They kill the bad guy.

There's the inevitable 'clara sets off with new doctor in tardis scene'

Which is all very moody and not at all like the mattsmithdoctor version of that scene

(which I remember fondly mainly because of the epic music)

(one thing you can't dissapoint me with: epic music)

...not necessarily a critisism.

But a big difference.

I think perhaps initially, perhaps long term,

we're going to see clara and clapaldidoctor have a more difficult relationship

than has been the norm

BUT HOLD THE PHONE

No, literally, hold the phone.

In a, 'well, that was cleverly back-contingency-ified, but still very pointless' twist.

We get a call from mattsmithdoctor

To say 'look after me'

Fair enough.

Then capaldidoctor manages to know what they talked about

by virtue of being the same person

#cheatcodes

There's some bland dialouge

Then they go off for coffee.

BUT WAIT

just before you go

driodboss is not dead.

Or maybe he is.

But either way, he's now hanging out with the angry scottish lady from 'Bad Education'.

So jokes on him, really.

SO THERE YOU ARE

THE END

CLOSING THOUGHTS TIME:

WAS CAPALDI A GOOD CHOICE?

Yes.

He's good.

He's going to take things in a new direction.

It might be 'dark' and 'moody'.

It might just be 'slow' and 'strange'.

Depends on the writing

We saw glimmers of both this episode.

WAS THE EPISODE MUCH GOOD?

Not really.

I'd rank it worst of the 'special non-specials' as far as I recall.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD?

who knows.

Pun actually not intended.

I have a new definition of 'Science',  for use in the debate over the question "where is the line between Art and Science?":

A Science, is, any subject which you can do work on through to 2am, knowing that, you will be able to look back at that work in the morning, and, with certainty, tell whether it was inspired genius or sleep-deprived nonsense.

Things I learned in my first 24 hours of playing SimCity:

• Sewage workers will take any pay package you offer them. They must just do it for the love of the job.
• Nothing is more gratifying than designing a new railway route
• The doctors can't strike if there aren't any doctors
• The teachers can't strike if there aren't any teachers
• The firepeople can't - oh shit.
• Buildings are really flammable.
• So are people.
• So are... trees? Who knew?